


Getting Warmer

by AstridMyrna



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: AstridMyrna's Apology Tour, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Sex, Vaginal Fingering, go the fuck to sleep - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 02:34:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15653976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstridMyrna/pseuds/AstridMyrna
Summary: Epilogue to Remember, I Love You





	Getting Warmer

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Remember, I Love You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15554058) by [AstridMyrna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstridMyrna/pseuds/AstridMyrna). 



“Breathe, just breathe Jyn. I’ve got you,” Cassian told her as she sputtered back to life.

He had dreamt of this moment many times, only to wake up in an empty bed and a refreshed sense of guilt, but now he tasted the sour mixture of lake water and bile when she spat up in his mouth. She writhed under him as she choked on air, color flushing back into the cold cheek he cradled. Her erratic, harsh breaths slowly evened out, but her chest still heaved under her thin white shirt.

Her green eyes slit open, and he could have sworn a smile flickered on her face.

“Love you,” she breathed.

“I--” he started, but then she passed out in his hands. “Jyn, no. Stay with me, stay with me.”

Gently patting her cheeks, she laid unresponsive in the mud, her body shivering underneath him. He scooped her up and made for the cabin barefoot, trying not to jostle her as she rushed up the slope of the path up to the cabin. Somehow he managed to pry the front door open with his elbow and his ankle, and laid her out on the couch.

Clothes needed to come off, she needed to get warm fast--he dashed to the kitchen for a pair of scissors and cut her shirt down the middle before peeling it off. Her shorts were too thick to cut, so he had to manage slowly wriggling it down her legs and tossed it aside. That left her thin bra and underwear, soaked and sticking to her sickly pale skin. They were cut easily and thrown into the same pile as the shirt. Hoisting her up once more, he decided to towel off her hair once he got her to bed.

The thin sheets were thankfully already askew, and he stepped over her green scarf to lay her down. He tucked her in all the way to her neck, but folded it down to her collar bone. She needed more layers, more warmth. There were quilts and a comforter packed in the loft, he could set the water to boil for tea while he was up there, and on the way down he’d need to grab a towel--

“I’ll be back,” he murmured, and kissed her cold lips that sent a shiver down his spine.

Once he checked for her breathing, he forced himself away from her. If he sat and let his thoughts overwhelm him, she’d die in his arms again.

He only allowed himself to think once he slipped next to her under the blankets, the thermos of tea he added more honey than needed from squeezing the bottle too hard sitting on his nightstand table and her hair rubbed dry and the towel hanging on the dresser. He wrapped his arms around her and tried to swallow the stubborn lump in his throat. She was still too cold, her skin clammy to the touch.

“Stay with me, Jyn,” he breathed into her hair, then kissed her temple. “Please.”

Jyn’s death had devoured his heart, and the black hole left behind crumbled his spirit for every day she was gone. If Kay hadn’t been his vigilant and persistent friend, Cassian knew he wouldn’t have lasted the year without her. He told Kay and his therapists that it would have been better if he had died instead of Jyn. Jyn was resilient, a fighter, and his rock when his grandmother died. There were better men than him, men who would have been attracted to her fire like so many moths, and if she had lived instead he knew she would have found an easy replacement. But then he saw her weeping face in the mirror, he hated himself for abandoning her.

A whimper escaped Jyn’s lips as she finally shifted in her sleep and curled into him, her body shivering so badly that his hands slipped from her skin.

“It’s okay, I’m here Jyn,” he said, rubbing her back open-palmed so she could leech every bit of heat from him.

* * *

Cassian didn’t realize he had fallen asleep until Jyn had a coughing fit trying to call out his name. To his relief she had more pink to her face, especially her lips, but she was exhausted and weak. The tea helped, though she made a face that confirmed he made it too sweet. Her eyes widened when she looked down at him, at herself, and he didn’t know where to start. 

He licked his dry lips, “You were freezing--”

Then Jyn kissed him like she was trying to replace the heart he lost with her own, her tongue wrangling his as she tried to force feed him. The kiss left him breathless, but he couldn’t take something so precious. So he pulled away from her as softly as he could and held her trembling chin, taking in her flushed face as she breathed through slightly parted lips, her eyes sparkling in the fading sunlight that poured in from the window.

“You’re still too cold,” he said, still feeling a faint coolness as he gave her a brief kiss. “Too cold.”

He kissed her down to her throat and lingered on her pulse to feel it thump against his lips, proving second by second that she was alive, that he saved her this time, that the nightmare was over. But he relived the moment of being torn from her lifeless body by the EMTs, only now it melded with the fresher memory of sealing his mouth over her cold, waxy lips and feared he was going to lose her all over again. Tears threatened to fall and he tried to pull away but she reigned him in, held her as tightly as her tired frame could. A shiver ran down his spine when he felt her teeth drag over the upper rim of his ear.

“But I’m getting warmer,” she murmured.

He broke into tears over her, nuzzling her neck as he tried and failed to form the words that encompassed just how vast his grief was and how he nearly drowned in it, but he was more grateful than he could say that he had somehow survived and now she was here. She held on to him fast like a buoy, crying into his hair, and they kept each other afloat during the emotional tempest.

They parted only for Cassian to turn on a light when the night finally fell. She wiped his face with one hand and kissed the spots dry, while the other traced the faint hair down his chest and spread out over his cock.

“Jyn--” he gasped when he broke their kiss.

She stared at him with a sudden burst of intensity that threw him off balance, especially when she said in a hushed wish, “I want you in me.”

He sighed, rubbing circles in her shoulder with a thumb. His hardening cock from her slight touch couldn’t hide the fact that he missed her too, but he didn’t want to risk hurting her.

“We will, but you need to rest and get warmer.”

“Then warm me up from the inside out,” she said, her fingers curling slightly over his shaft.

When he frowned at her, she only had to stroke him once for him to get a response.

“Fuck, Jyn,” he hissed. He couldn’t bring himself to remove her hand; it had been too long since she touched him, but he took in a shuddering breath and said, “Jyn, I want to but--”

She leaned forward just enough for her nipples to graze his skin, cutting him off again as her voice trembled, “I’m not asking to get off, I just want to feel you.”

She let her finger tips drag for one final stroke and let them linger on the tip, the fire in her eyes cooled into an ember that could keep them both warm.

“Please,” she breathed.

He was hopeless when it came to her.

“Lay down, and let me do the work,” he warned, kissing her cheek to sweeten his stern order. “You’ve done enough today.”

Grinning now, she adjusted the pillows so she could lay flat on her back while Cassian rolled up and pushed off the heavier blankets. Her arms splayed out but she tucked her legs together for Cassian to figure out how to open, and the brightness of her face reminded him of when they first met in the bookstore all those years ago.

She had looked at him like she knew him as he entered the store, and he thought he knew her until walked up to see her face, revealing that she was a perfect stranger who dove back into her enclave of romances. He wandered the bookstore to tease out this knot in his stomach that grew every time he caught a glance of her. After the few flings in college, he felt that he one and only love that truly satisfied him would be his work. But he wanted to run his fingers through the dark chestnut locks that fell over her emerald green sweater, then rip that sweater off of her to see what else she was hiding and giving her whatever she wanted, but it always came at a cost. In an age where everyone knew every facet about your life, Cassian kept his personal details private, even from his lovers. It was a helpful trait to have for his work, not so much for cultivating a long lasting relationship.

He had stood next to her at the bookshelf and took her recommendations because he couldn’t help himself wanting to get to know her a little, but he exercised enough self restraint to not ask for her number or give him his. He wasn’t going to wreck another woman’s life to satisfy his curiosity. That resolved lasted until Thanksgiving, when he walked to a local coffee shop to clear his head after a lengthy video chat with his family who was sitting down to dinner in the next state over. He sat down, book in hand and ready to bury himself for the next couple of hours when Jyn passed him by not once, twice, but three times. She barely looked at him until he asked her what sort of coffee she liked. He wasn’t superstitious like the rest of his family, but seeing her come back to him over and over again--well, he decided to entertain this happy coincidence.

It was the best decision of his life.

Even a year after her death, she somehow managed to come back into his life, laying in wait for him with the sweetest smile on her face. He kissed her knees before opening them like the gates of heaven. He took care to line a path down her inner thigh, her skin delightfully warm and supple under his lips, and she shuddered under his touch. His nose tangled itself in her dark curls, inhaling her rich, sweet scent. It had been far, _far_ too long since he ate her out, but he restrained himself and kissed her navel instead.

“Cassian, I need you to--oh!” she gasped when he stroked her folds.

“I just need you to be patient a little longer, Jyn. Can you do that for me?”

She swallowed hard and nodded, her eyes drifting closed as he petted her. He was sure that if he slipped his tongue in she’d gush all over him, but he didn’t want her to get overly excited tonight. So he kissed under her breasts and over her nipples as his fingers retread nearly-forgotten pathways further down her vagina. He teased her clit with his finger tips, but she pressed her thighs against his hand and whimpered.

“Please, Cassian, I just want you, I just want…” she said, tears glimmering in her eyes.

He immediately let go and drew his fingers out of her slick so he could use his other forearm to prop himself above her. She was just wet enough for this to work.

“I’m here, Jyn.”

Her breath hitched in her throat as he slid his cock in her. Cassian held still for a moment, enjoying her tight, warm embrace that he never thought he’d ever experience again. Looking down at her as she smiled, her sea-green eyes asking what he was waiting for, it was like their first time in his studio apartment all those years ago. In a way, he supposed this would be their first time again. He knew he had changed for the worse since her death, but he had no idea how his death had affected her, except she was much more impatient now as she curled her legs over his hips and rolled him towards her.

“Sorry,” he grunted, initiating the second thrust.

She kissed the tip of his nose. “It’s fine, it’s just been too long.”

They rocked together smooth and steady, the bed creaking in time with their breath and the _pip-pip-pap_ of a sudden summer storm pittering over the roof. Her head rolled back as her eyes fluttered closed, leaving her glistening neck exposed. He leaned down and kissed her neck until he found her pulse again. He kissed the point over and over again like a silent mantra until she whispered his name.

They had been away from each other for so long.

He slipped his hands behind her back and adjusted himself so he still laid on top of her, skin to skin, but didn’t crush her. He couldn’t give her as deep of a thrust from this position, but she sighed happily in his hair as she tightened her arms and legs around him. His face buried in her neck, he tasted a strand of hair crusted with mud, sending a cold tingle down his back that made him shudder.

“What’s wrong?” she mumbled.

Without answering, he twisted the strand in his mouth until the mud was gone before gently pushing it out of his mouth and nuzzling the side of her neck again. He didn’t stay cold for long when enveloped in her heat. She clutched the back of his scalp when he plunged deeper, and he eased up. Needed to remember to not over excite her (yet), and they were both filthy. A good shower, a bite to eat and a few more hours a sleep, and there wouldn’t be a surface left untouched. He just wanted to savor being inside her for a few more moments, cradled in his arms--

And then the tension in her arms and legs went slack.

“Jyn?” he asked.

After counting three heart beats and not hearing an answer, he lifted his head and her face rolled to the side of the pillow and snored. He snorted a laugh into her shoulder, then gingerly pulled out of her softer than he came in, and he had to admit that he was exhausted and aching for a shower too.

“Jyn, Jyn wake up,” he said, gently shaking her shoulder.

It took a moment of shaking before her eyes flew open and she inhaled sharply, but then she blew her breath back in his face at the sight of him.

“What happened?” she mumbled.

“You fell asleep. Should we get you cleaned up?”

“Only if you come with me,” Jyn yawned.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

He helped her up and held her close to his side as they stumbled into the small bathroom with a medicine cabinet mirror that showed both of their reflections. Proof again that this was real, that he saved her, that she came from another dimension to be with him again. When he turned his back on her to start the shower while she peed, he swatted at the rising fear that he could just turn and she would disappear. He couldn’t be glancing behind him to keep Jyn in his sights all the time but…but just for today, for the first twenty-four hours he would watch her, and when she would still be in his arms tomorrow morning…

“Do you know what I’m going to do the minute we get back in the city?” he asked her, leaning on her shoulder as she washed her hands.

“What?”

“Marry you.”

A reflected smile crept up her face, but there was a new sorrow in her eyes. Shit, of course she was thinking of her family, her friends, all the paper work, the explanations--

“I’ll wear one of your shirts to the court house,” she said, shaking her hands dry. “You still have that tan one with the flap on the front?”

He did, but it was in the apartment, carefully folded and hiding in a corner of his closet back that he never looked in because it was her favorite.

“I do, but it’s back home.”

Her smile finally reached her eyes. “Perfect, we’ll get that first, and then after the ceremony we’ll get Indian food.”

“Stuff ourselves with it.”

“Then ice cream afterwards.”

“Absolutely.”

The steam from the shower fogged up the mirror until only their reflection were only abstract shapes. His cheek stuck to hers, he could feel her frown as she sniffed back new. He looped his arms around her belly, pressing her into him so she could feel his own heart beat. The steam pressed against their faces and rolled down their cheeks like tears.

“I love you,” he murmured.

She swallowed hard. “I love you, too.”

He smiled and bit back cry of pain from the new heart that took root in his rib cage.


End file.
